Disclaimer: this post is in no way a generalization but a personal experience worth sharing at least with my own self.
In a country where so much needs to be done and so little is excepted by authorities, civil society has been striving to save as many as it can by providing services in the field of healthcare, education, economic development and so on. And while we are not yet any close to serving a decent portion of society, and while none of those struggling within civil society are asking for much, it fascinates me how often we are faced with bizarre situations involving the elite who are trying to "help".
Those series of posts are an outlet for me to vent and hopefully connect with others who might have faced similar situations. If expressed correctly and shared, we might hopefully discourage their happening.
I happen to be a woman who studied engineering, worked for corporate then moved to civil society. I was brought up in a house that cared so little about my gender and just encouraged me to be the best version of myself, and so I grew up almost gender-neutral. In our family, gender was just like eye colour: hardly relevant to one's limitations or dreams. This paradigm provided a shield to all the sexism that I encountered and thankfully made me pay little to no attention to it.
It wasn't until I got pregnant with a girl that I became much less tolerate to sexism and suddenly remembered all those situations where in my mind I was like "What the hell!", and in a conversation with a friend was encouraged to blog about them. This post is about how my organization's future was judged based on my gender.
A few months back in a donor meeting that was meant to validate our "sustainability" (and those who know me understand how much I already hate that term) through getting insights about our operational model, strategic plan and general institutionalization of processes, I was bluntly asked about "how the organization would continue if our engaged female managers got married or I had kids". And while I took this question lightly and responded eloquently, it hit me recently that something is fundamentally wrong with anyone's entitlement to ask such question. It hit me that on some level, those questions and comments probably sink in somewhere and byte me in the ass later. It hit me that it is not ok for me to have developed a muscle towards society's doubts about womens' level of commitment towards their careers just because they are morally expected to change priorities as they start a family.
I realized all that while navigating my first pregnancy trimester which is usually tough on all of us. While feeling so guilty about not being able to work because of morning sickness. While pushing myself so hard to perform even when my body was completely incapable. And while I was so lucky to have an incredible support system that allowed me to embrace that, deep down I was trying so hard not to allow myself to not be ok, and that sucks!
In a country with a female-dominant civil society, I can't help but wonder how we will ever move forward if the battles we are fighting are not just against bureaucracy, poverty and lack of basic rights but also against deeply ingrained cultural norms that are extremely counterproductive. It's fine for this shift to take light-years to happen, but hopefully we can spare our kids those moments someday.
If you are reading this, you might be one of those at either sides of the fence. You might be one of those who judge with good intentions or struggle in silence. In either case, I invite you to remember that words matter.
