It was just another boring Sunday. I arrived at the office at 8, did absolutely nothing till my colleagues started showing up. I had almost taken the decision to quit yet was waiting for the right moment to communicate it to my boss , Ayman, and Team Leader, Sherin: who were more of dear friends to me – and all of us – then painful bossy BOSSes. Ayman comes in with his dark green shirt, and a big fat smile as usual, then enthusiastically says:” Yasmin; is everything fine? “, I nod, wondering why he is asking such a question.
Then he continues: ” The next phase is going to be quite tough and I need your full attention and effort; given that you’ve been unavailable for quite a while now and your teammates are already worn out”.
I smile and assure him that I’ll be there, yet feel like such a hypocrite and deep down inside me I’m like: ”Hell NO”.
I go back to my desk feeling even more confused and restless. Feel like I cant keep this to myself anymore. I really gotta tell him. But is that the right moment, knowing also that Sherin won't be available for another week ?
I take out my phone and text the only person I had ever spoken to about that; one of my very good friends at the time and probably the most like-minded and supportive in my whole world: Mohamed El Haw. He advises me to go ahead and tell him so the next thing I do is take out a piece of paper and start jotting down whatever I’ll be saying so I’d get to practice it before hand; something I mostly do during job interviews, serious conversations with my dad or these uncomfortable heartbreaking turning off wise-wannabe words I say to stop guys from trying to hook up with me.
Once I am done, I IM my boss: ”We need to talk”, and half an hour later we do;
“Ayman; what I am about to say will probably not be fine with you, and I totally understand if you’d wanna kill me afterwards; yet I need to take it off my chest.
In fact, I’ve been quite demotivated lately, and this is not my nature as a high potential. You know me; I’ve never been just another employee, and I totally refuse to be one, but lately something just doesn’t feel right. I’m starting to believe I am not in the right place, using all my talents and making the most of my time. I think I need a career shift. Engineering is just not my piece of cake. Not my passion. Not even close”. Then take a deep breathe.
“I totally understand”, he replies confidently. “And since you are a high potential, you are actually encouraged to rotate among departments whenever you want and we as managers support that”.
Wooppsss; he is definitely not expecting what I am about to say. I just need to make that quick. I take another deep breath and continue:
“In fact, I have no idea what I would like to do, and have no time to even think about it given my extremely busy schedule. And getting back to HR; I found that it is possible for me to take a 6 months sabbatical leave that would allow me to really figure out what I want to do with my life, focus on “Educate-Me” which I had just started and really want to grow and attend my final National Team Tournament that is about to take place in February.
Right now, there is no other decision I can take and nothing I know of except that what I would like to do as a job is something that is more about “people”, and something that has a purpose. So if I figure out that whatever that is does exist in Alcatel-Lucent; I’ll come back and take part in it. If not; then I’ll quit for good”.
WWwoooooffffff… I can’t believe I just said that. He is probably going to look around for some hard-ass office gadget to smash my brains with. Yet what I get is a very deep and sincere look and some words that made me more confident then ever:” I totally understand, and really respect you for that. I personally wish I had studied Medicine myself so I would be able to create more impact on people.
I think you are on the right track and don’t think you’ll ever come back to Alcatel-Lucent.
Good Luck and be sure I can always help you find a job in the Social World if you’d like”.
We continue discussing about next steps and agree that I would stay for another 3.5 months in order to secure a proper handover, but he probably regretted that decision later on given all those unbelievably stupid mistakes I did out of lack of focus and engagement.
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